Monday, March 26, 2018

What The NL West Lacks In Talent, It Makes Up For In Glorious Socks

by Jason Avant-

Twitter is mostly horrible, but (sadly) it's a bit indispensable for those of us rooting around for Padres news. Looking for something Padres-related to write about, I came across this:


Look at Freddy Galvis' socks! Look at them!


Look at them some more!


These fancy leggings are made by Stance, a socks/underwear company that's headquartered just a few miles up the road from my house. If you have tween/teen kids who are into surfing and skateboarding, they'll tell you all about Stance socks and why they NEED to have them. "These are $24 socks," I said to my 14 year-old son when he said that he needed them. "Why do you need them? You don't even play baseball." "Because," he replied, "they are LIT." LIT means "awesome", or "rad" if you are of my generation. My son is, I think, a Thought Leader on things that are LIT - he recently bestowed LIT status upon actor Henry Cavill's mustache, and clearly he is correct. It is - or rather was - LIT.

I was all set to declare the Padres' socks the Best in Baseball, but a quick search revealed that the D-Backs and the Giants also have great Stance socks. Here's one of two on-field variants worn by the Giants. The Golden Gate Bridge motif is, dare I say, LIT:


Here are the D-backs' Away socks. They manage to take Arizona's wretched uni colors and make them somewhat cool:


Finally, the Dodgers' socks give a shout-out to the oft-maligned stirrups, which most players stopped wearing years ago.

The Rockies do not have LIT Stance socks. Why wouldn't the Rockies wear these edgy yet tasteful socks? People from Colorado think that Coors is actually beer and not beer-flavored mineral water, which is as good an explanation as any. So, ranked in order:

4. D-backs. Those colors. Who knew Ken Kendrick was a fan of 80's pop artist Nagel?


3. Dodgers. On the one hand, the stirrup look is a bit retro-cool. On the other, they're about as imaginative as those tuxedo-print t-shirts.



2. Giants. The bridge element is cool. But they could have taken it a step further and added the sweaty, permed/mulleted faces of San Francisco soft-rock legends Journey.


1. Padres. With the exception of their glorious brown throwbacks (which we may see returned to their former regular rotation glory), the Padres have the worst uniforms in baseball. They're bland, unoriginal, and everyone in San Diego hates them because The Management had a whole goddamn rainbow to choose from and they went with BLUE AND WHITE. DODGER COLORS. Those socks, though! They pop without being obnoxious, and they give us Padres fans something to buoy our spirits. Because if stuff like this is any indication of what Fate has in store for this team, we need all the good things we can get.


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