Let's start with this: If the Dodgers had traded for Justin Verlander last July and the Astros had ended up with Yu Darvish, then the Dodgers would be the defending World Champions and I'd still be hungover. But that's not what happened, as we all know. Instead, Darvish put on the Blue and gave up something like 16 runs in two World Series innings. Despite having a racist first baseman and a star player named George, the Astros won it all. Dodgerland demands a rematch.
I was fully prepared to pre-anoint the Dodgers as National League champions, asking the commissioner's office for special dispensation to skip the season and just wait until the first round of the playoffs so we could sweep the Nationals. But then, on a recent weekday morning, I sat down in front of the TV with a cup of coffee and a bowl of disgusting granola to watch a couple of innings of the previous night's preseason game against the barely Major League A's. Three batters into the home half of the first I witnessed this horror.
Hit on the left wrist by a crummy pitch from the A's terrible #1 starter Kendall Graveman (whose name is displayed below as a rebus), Turner writhed around on the ground for a while, kicking his legs like an overturned tortoise. I uttered the following sentence: "Oh shit, we are fucked."
But it's a testament to the depth and power of the Dodgers that they can lose their starting 3rd baseman and best overall hitter for at least the first month of the season, and probably more, and the overall reaction from the organization and fans is "well, that sucks, but it's really no big deal." Maybe now the Dodgers will only win 101 games instead of 103. Even that might not be the case, because what's probably going to happen is that Logan Forsythe will play most of the innings at 3rd base, and Kiké Hernandez, who hit three home runs to send the Dodgers into the World Series, will share 2nd base with future Hall Of Famer Chase Utley. Only Kiké, however, has the potential to dress as a rally banana.
When it comes to the Dodgers, a Moneyball team with infinite resources, the sum is not greater than the whole of the parts, whatever the hell that means. They return essentially the same team that came one game away from the title. Joc Pederson hit three homers in the World Series, and he's probably going to open the season in AAA. They are good. Let's break it down section by section, as the inferior baseball blogs always do:
Starting Pitching
The Dodgers are blessed with the continued presence, at least through the end of this season, of Clayton Kershaw, one of the 10 greatest pitchers of all time. He will not decline this year.
Check out this filthy Walker Buehler action:
Good luck, Padres hitters!
Infield
The Dodgers' infield is anchored at first base by Cody Bellinger, who may be 22 at the moment but appears to have put on 15 pounds of solid muscle. He will hit 40 home runs and make the All-Star Team. Corey Seager spent most of Spring Training as the designated hitter rather than at shortstop where he belongs, causing Dodgers broadcasters to blather endlessly about how spring doesn't matter, even though it should probably be a cause of concern that your star shortstop can't play shortstop because of a bad elbow.
Still, until Seager doesn't hit at least .290 with 25 home runs, we should just assume that everything is OK. The rest of the infield will be comprised of some combination of Utley, Forsythe, Hernandez, and, when he returns, Ginger Jesus himself, Justin Turner. It will be excellent.
The catchers are Yasmani Grandal and Austin Barnes, both well above average. Both also play at least one infield position. Kyle Farmer, who is both a catcher and a 3rd baseman, awaits. He hit the hide off the ball this spring. The Dodgers are stacked.
The catchers are Yasmani Grandal and Austin Barnes, both well above average. Both also play at least one infield position. Kyle Farmer, who is both a catcher and a 3rd baseman, awaits. He hit the hide off the ball this spring. The Dodgers are stacked.
Outfield
In its only major offseason move, the Dodgers traded several pitching corpses and a cute infielder named Charlie Culberson to Atlanta for former Dodger and Rhianna squire Matt Kemp. Everyone assumed that the Dodgers would unload Kemp's bloated contract onto some unsuspecting American League team. But shockingly, Kemp reported to camp 40 pounds lighter and three times handsomer, and has raked so hard this spring that he's probably going to open the season as the #3 or cleanup hitter. He'll platoon at the position with Andrew Toles, who appears to have fully recovered from knee surgery and is now fast again. Toles looks short at first glance, but is actually probably a normal-sized man.
Right field will be handled by the amazing Yasiel Puig, the man who launched a thousand racist tweets about how baseball should be played the "right way."
Center field belongs to the excellent Chris Taylor, who, because he is white, Madison Bumgarner doesn't hate.
Bullpen
The Dodgers' bullpen is anchored by the incredible Kenley Jansen, this generation's Mariano Rivera. Brandon Morrow and Tony Watson are gone, allowing other teams the chance to pay them untold millions for pitching maybe 60 innings. The rest of the pen looks at least adequate, and is probably better than average, though it does still contain the distressingly inconsistent stylings of Pedro Baez.
Look, the Dodgers are going to win this division for the sixth year in a row. The Giants will be better than last season. If all goes best, their Andrew McCutchen and Evan Longoria acquisitions will limp them into a Wild Card spot. But they're still not going to pass the Blue. The Padres cannot possibly have a winning record. The Rockies are going to be the usual mess of 13-12 games. And I hope to heaven the Diamondbacks fall into a hole. Off all the teams in the division, they are the only one that has gotten appreciably worse.
So I say to expect at least 100 wins, and quite likely a second straight NL pennant, for the Dodgers. After that, who knows? The Astros appear to be on the verge of dynastic. And the Yankees, the goddamn Yankees. But we could win the World Series, though, we definitely could. And Tommy Lasorda, against most odds, is still alive.
Right field will be handled by the amazing Yasiel Puig, the man who launched a thousand racist tweets about how baseball should be played the "right way."
Center field belongs to the excellent Chris Taylor, who, because he is white, Madison Bumgarner doesn't hate.
Bullpen
The Dodgers' bullpen is anchored by the incredible Kenley Jansen, this generation's Mariano Rivera. Brandon Morrow and Tony Watson are gone, allowing other teams the chance to pay them untold millions for pitching maybe 60 innings. The rest of the pen looks at least adequate, and is probably better than average, though it does still contain the distressingly inconsistent stylings of Pedro Baez.
Look, the Dodgers are going to win this division for the sixth year in a row. The Giants will be better than last season. If all goes best, their Andrew McCutchen and Evan Longoria acquisitions will limp them into a Wild Card spot. But they're still not going to pass the Blue. The Padres cannot possibly have a winning record. The Rockies are going to be the usual mess of 13-12 games. And I hope to heaven the Diamondbacks fall into a hole. Off all the teams in the division, they are the only one that has gotten appreciably worse.
So I say to expect at least 100 wins, and quite likely a second straight NL pennant, for the Dodgers. After that, who knows? The Astros appear to be on the verge of dynastic. And the Yankees, the goddamn Yankees. But we could win the World Series, though, we definitely could. And Tommy Lasorda, against most odds, is still alive.
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