Once upon a time, when serial cartoons that featured characters that more than resemble our first lady and heroines who preferred horses to men, there was a daily show for the children of Arizona responsible for more chronic tardiness than a drunk school bus driver. The Wallace and Ladmo Show was one of the longest-running television programs ever and even featured a former baseball player, Ladimir Kwiatkowski, who played both for Arizona State University and in the Cleveland Indians farm system.
Wallace and Ladmo was home to The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends cartoons, which featured perhaps the dimmest of all heroes – yes even, dimmer than Bullwinkle Moose – Dudley Do-Right, doer of good. Dudley was famous for being a handsome and rugged idiot, always stumbling into the traps of his arch rival Snidely Whiplash and whipped around by his horse-loving gal, Nell.
This is all relevant because the Arizona Diamondbacks have, in fact, become the ridiculous fatuousness of Dudley Do-Right. They present themselves as handsome do-gooders, ready to fight on the side of righteousness, defending opponents in spite of their misguided ways, putting on a sheen on infallibility while their true nemesis wallows in misery of their own doing. Yet, despite it all they are doomed to unravel, allow an 8-game lead to slip through their batting gloves even though the rest of the division is playing .500 baseball and constantly saying, “Everything is just fine.”
Hell, they even got beat by a guy who looks like Snidely Whiplash.
The irony in all of this is that the team that has managed to stay mediocre enough to grasp first place away from the D-Backs, the Colorado Rockies, the cockroaches of the NL West, are the setting where Dudley exists in all of his ineptitude.Five scoreless from Daniel.#RootedInOakland pic.twitter.com/Icmc6IkIHQ— Oakland Athletics 🌳🐘⚾️ (@Athletics) May 26, 2018
So here we are, waiting to see what dastardly deed the next incapable bad guy can unleash upon the Diamondbacks, much like the miserable Sal Romano of the miserable Cincinnati Reds who outdueled Pat Corbin to snatch away a much-needed series sweep for the Snakes. And now we look to June, with seven games against the truly worst team in the National League sandwiching an away series against the Rockies.
Will Paul Goldschmidt return to his line drive hitting ways? Will the Diamondbacks’ pitchers continue to toes the line despite an offense that scores more runs than gets hits? Can AJ Pollack return to boost the pitiful offense? Or will the true villains of all teams NL West, the San Francisco Giants, find a way to tie the D-Backs to the tracks once again, only to see the Dodgers walk into July making kissy-face with the Chase Field bullpen cart?
Stay tuned to see if Goldschmidt can actually happen!
— Arizona Diamondbacks (@Dbacks) May 30, 2018
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