Fourth Place With A Bullet

Three weeks ago, the Dodgers were ten games below .500, nine games out, mired in fourth place, and fans everywhere bemoaned what appeared to be a lost season. Now, after a monster weekend Coors Field rout of a Rockies team that appears to be mainlining THC dabs in the bullpen, the Dodgers are now only one game under .500, two games out...and still in fourth place.

None of this makes any logical sense, but I think we all know by now that baseball is stupid. For instance, the Dodgers' four best players this season have been Matt Kemp, who last year seemed fat and done in Atlanta;

Max Muncy, an Oakland reject who looks like he's playing 1st base in between shifts at the Quick-E-Lube; 

Ross Stripling, who has been a professional baseball player for a few years; and Walker Buehler, a child who until very recently was in the minor leagues but now will forever be subjected to hackneyed visual jokes like this:

Meanwhile, four of the Dodgers' five opening-day starters are on the disabled list. Hall-Of-Famer and person who Dodgers' broadcasters drone about Clayton Kershaw has been on the DL twice. Rich Hill's finger erupts into disgusting pustules every time he picks up a baseball. Corey Seager had Tommy John surgery. Justin Turner missed the first quarter of the season with a broken hand and has just been mediocre since he returned. Last year's Rookie Of The Year Cody Bellinger has been epically bad. 

via GIPHY

Oh, you think that's funny, Cody? How would you like to spend the rest of the summer in Oklahoma City, working on your swing?

At the moment, the Dodgers' rotation consists of Buehler, Stripling, Alex Wood, a rookie named Dennis Santana, and, I think, me. This smells like a fourth-place team.

And yet: The Dodgers still look pretty likely to win the division. The Diamondbacks spent a week bailing water out of the hull and have somehow remained on top. The Rockies gave up 33 runs in three games against the Dodgers over the weekend, blowing leads in each of the three games. If that team wins the division, I will eat my Fernando Valenzuela Happy Meal figurine that I've had since 1981. We all have affection toward the Padres, but that's not happening. And if the Giants win the division, all three contributors to this site will lock hands and jump off the Hoover Dam together.

All told, the fourth-place team is really the first-place team. After all, we have Max Muncy. Nothing could possibly go wrong now.