When Justin Turner got hit on the hand by a baseball thrown by a man named Kendall, breaking his wrist and knocking him out of action for at least six weeks, Dodger Nation said, "well, that's unfortunate."
The next thought was, "which of five totally acceptable candidates will bat third while he heals?" But when Madison Bumgarner done got his finger broke a few days later, Giants Nation went into a totally justified panic.
Kurtenbach: Why Madison Bumgarner’s injury might have ended the Giants’ season before it began https://t.co/dCEJyY0dZ5 pic.twitter.com/v2nQ3FywgC— Mercury News (@mercnews) March 24, 2018
Oh ho ho. The Giants were already teetering on the brink of irrelevancy, daring to run out a lineup of past-prime All-Stars that they hoped would sneak them into the Wild Card so they could go on one of their bullshit miracle playoff runs. They were going to be The Expendables of the MLB.
But they forgot to add Expendable pitchers, because Bartolo Colon and R.A. Dickey weren't available. So when Bumgarner (and also Jeff Samardzija, a Randy Johnson lookalike though not pitch-alike) went down, they were forced to announced Ty Blach as their Opening Day starter.
And so the cry went up among the cognoscenti: The season is ruined.
“Bumgarner’s injury is a body blow for the Giants and for baseball.”— ESPN Podcasts (@espnpodcasts) March 26, 2018
@Kurkjian_ESPN says to @Buster_ESPN on today’s #BBTN podcast.
LISTEN: https://t.co/1gkvVoOt1l
Are you kidding? Losing Madison Bumgarner is a body blow to baseball? More like a blow job. Look, I know that Bumgarner pitched 17 consecutive innings in the World Series on negative two days rest or something like that, and he can hit home runs sometimes. But the guy is also a straight-up xenophobic dirt-biker who reserves most of his "intensity" on the mound for taunting Latino players. When the 2010 Giants featured Tim Lincecum and Young Posey and Brian Wilson and the Panda, OK, they were a cute and worthy champion. But when they reformed around Mad Bum, Ted Nugent in a cap, they became a lot less sympathetic.
Vin Scully's description of the Puig-Bumgarner dust-up was more entertaining than the actual dust-up. pic.twitter.com/tU5LgiNc9I— Jason Foster (@ByJasonFoster) September 20, 2016
So here is my season preview for the Giants: The Giants are going to SUUUUUCK. They are going to suck suck suck so bad. They will finish behind the Padres. They will finish behind the Rockies. They may finish ahead of the Diamondbacks, who will also suck. They will certainly finish behind the Dodgers. And thank Jeebus for that.
The not long-ago years of 2010-2014 were a terrible time to be a Dodger fan. We had to endure being owned by the Ferdinand and Imelda Marcos of baseball, watching Don Mattingly call for bunts when no bunts were called for, and, most of all, watching the Giants win three World Series and turn into a dynasty. Well, that dynasty is over now.
It may be a bodyblow to Tim Kurkjian and to all the tech employees who love sitting in the company seats for free at the ballpark on the Bay, but for the rest of baseball, the Bumgarner injury is a glorious thing. I'm very much looking forward to beating the Giants 7-1 on Opening Day, and on every subsequent day for the rest of time. Farewell, Madbum, you grumpy redass. May flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.
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