Diamondbacks 8, Rockies 2 - Jake Lamb Rules, Video Graphics Are Crap

by Jason Franz

I used to think there was a great Altman-esque movie that could be done about Major League Baseball’s Opening Day. Some sophisticated intersection of stories of the various humans engaging the national pastime’s most hallowed day: the aging former star facing his final season, the cocky eager rookie ready to unleash his fury and become a star, the bitter groundskeeper and his crew, the downtrodden beer vendor, the Asperger-afflicted statistician, the suicidal security officer and the freshly divorced father bringing his young son to his first ever ballgame. Each of these characters, wrapped in their self-centered world, collide on their way to the season’s first cry of “Play ball!” 

Baseball, perhaps more than any other sport, pulls in and requires the attention of a lot of individuals. Sure, football may actually involve more people, but they are largely anonymous masses. Baseball is, to borrow a phrase from Saavik in The Wrath of Khan, “so…human.” 


via GIPHY

So, imagine my dismay when I arrive home from a long day at work, plop down on the couch, and turn on the Arizona Diamondbacks game in the middle of the 6th to see some superimposed strike zone floating over home plate.


What the fuck is this?!? I now need some graphic to show me balls and strikes? Oh, and we get the bonus of where exactly the ball crosses the plate with the pitch’s velocity? Baseball was the last sport that needed the real thing turned into a damned video game.

Sigh.

At least I got to join the game play just as The Beard, Archie Bradley, was able to hitch a ride on the brand spankin’ new bullpen cart to blaze a couple 96+ mph pitches (I know this because the TV told me so) before inducing an inning-ending double play. At this point, the Snakes are now up 6-2. 

Knowing the Dodgers got blanked by the Giants, causing Neal Pollack all sorts of conniptions and aneurysms, this was becoming a dandy of an Opening Day, stupid graphics notwithstanding.

One of the underappreciated aspects of baseball is that the announcers, all of whom either aspire to be or think they are Vin Scully, try to wax about the annoyances of having to change a scorecard or what the optimum seed is to grow the ideal field (the D-Backs have opted for the highly regarded shade-resistant Platinum TE seashore paspalum over the previously used Bermuda). Christ, we’re already on this content and it’s just Opening Day?!

And now to lead off the 8th, Bob Brenly is highlighting that we have Statcast, the amazing technology that Deadspin once thought would  “Break Sabermetrics” and can tell us things such as Nick Ahmed was able to get off his toss to start the aforementioned double play in .2 seconds. 



via GIPHY

As for the game, Jake Lamb had a day with a single, double and four RBI’s, bringing his opening day tally over two seasons to a franchise-leading nine. Jerrod Dyson and David Peralta also were able to kick off the season with multi-hit games. Pat Corbin went 5 2/3 with eight strikeouts while Bradley locked down the seventh and eighth innings. Goldschmidt barely saw a pitch to hit and strolled to first on balls three times.

For the Rockies, nobody really impressed but stud third baseman Nolan Arenado did get a couple of benign hits and former D-Back Chris Ianetta knocked three into fair play.

Final tally: Arizona Diamondbacks 8, Colorado Rockies 2.

First place, baby.