The Dodgers were more or less the worst team in baseball over the first week of the season. Only the Padres and Rays have worse records going into tonight. But other than that, how'd you like the play, Mrs. Lincoln?
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So much has gone wrong in this first week. But anyone who's saying "there's no reason to panic" is either on the team's payroll or hoping to get there. In fact, there are many reasons to panic. Let me count the ways.
1. Clayton Kershaw. The Greatest Pitcher Of All Time Who We Are Fortunate To Witness™ has now officially turned 30. Far be it from me to say he's "declining"--I turned 30 when Bill Clinton was President--but Kershaw has been giving up home runs to left-handers at an alarming rate. Still, even though he's 0-2 and sometimes during an inning he looks like a man with a hernia struggling to lift a refrigerator, he's only given up three runs all year. He's entering the "crafty left-hander" phase of his career and will probably lumber on for at least six more seasons, if not longer. Your average nursing-home patient gets more run support from a bedpan than Kershaw has from his NL Championship offense.
2. Kenley Jansen. "It's only one game, who cares?" Jansen said after giving up a three-run homer to Chris Owings, blowing a three-run lead and sending the Dodgers to a disastrous 15-inning loss to the D'Bags. Well, I care, for one! If you are a closer, you have to close games. That was the kind of blown save the Dodgers haven't seen in many years. Jansen barely pitched at all during Spring Training and is clearly concerned about baseball's labor situation, causing him to lose velocity on his cutter and possibly his will to live. Without a reliable Jansen at the end of games, the Dodgers strike fear into the heart of no one.
3. Matt Kemp. It was a very funny joke when the Dodgers traded six cadavers and a wheelbarrow full of chaw to Atlanta so they could try to squeeze a little blood out of Matt Kemp's stone of a contract. We all figured he'd get shipped off to molder on some American League bench somewhere. Instead, he showed up at Spring Training in shape and then hit a few home runs off of Mariners minor-league pitchers. He somehow weaseled his way not only onto the Opening Day roster, but he's the starting left-fielder who also sometimes bats cleanup. And he's been dreadful, weak and lumbering in the field and incompetent at the plate. In a world where Christian Yelich is playing great for the Brewers and Giancarlo Stanton is hitting bombs in the Bronx, Kemp is providing "veteran presence" by teaching young players the proper way to strike out with runners in scoring position.
4. Kiké Hernandez hitting cleanup. I will never stop saying this: Kiké Hernandez is not a cleanup hitter. He's a flashy utility player who fields many positions well, and seems like an absolutely great guy, but if you keep anchoring him in the middle of the lineup to "get him at-bats," your boat will sink.
5. Corey Seager. Seager had a lousy spring where he barely played shortstop, earning him the nickname "Mr. Should Be Ready By Opening Day." Clearly, he was not ready. Seager has been an easy out so far. Something is physically wrong with him. I don't know what. I'm not a doctor.
6. The Rest Of The Bullpen. Whatever retooling happened in the 'pen on the cheap this year hasn't worked. At first, only Jansen was the problem, but in a 6-1 loss in Arizona, the rest of the pen showed its feet of clay. Bullpens are always a dice roll, but the "bridge" to an unreliable Jansen is about as stable as the bridge on the River Kwai.
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7. Logan Forsythe. He hit a home run. That was fine. But there was also the game where Forsythe, Turner's "replacement" at third, made three errors. "You won't see that again this season," said the Dodgers announcers, and then two days later Forsythe made another error. He is playing poorly.
8. They Are Owned By A Hedge Fund. Last year, the Dodgers were praised for their "depth," which meant slotting in a bunch of utility guys at a variety of positions and hitting pay dirt when they had the seasons of their lives. That's a great strategy when it works. But having cheap interchangeable parts only seems like genius when those parts are producing. Last year's depth was greatly aided by an incredible season from Alex Wood, a record-breaking number of home runs by Cody Bellinger, and Yasiel Puig's invigorating bromance with hitting coach Turner Ward. But rather than take that lucky winning formula and push it over the top by adding a couple of genuine sluggers, the front office shed salary and decided to play extreme Moneyball with a franchise where it's not necessary.
The Dodgers could very likely come back to win the division. Every team has a couple of 2-5 stretches in them, every season. But I can't help feeling like we're being bilked, just a little. Four games out on April 6 is a nice little hole. Meanwhile, the owners just sit back in King's Landing, counting their money.
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